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(Typing on phone so typos ahead probably)
It’s my 30th birthday today. There’s something embarrassing about having a birthday party at age 30 but my family really wanted this and tbh I’m kind of excited. I’m also fucking nervous bc i decided for some reason that putting my friends in the same general area as my family was a good idea. Most of my old friends are varying degrees of familiar w/ my family’s brand of crazy but I have some newer friends coming too and im feeling this childlike fear that I’ll be judged based on my family’s actions. Actually not even their actions bc I know they’ll be on their best behaviour, more like their….social quirks? Failing to meet social expectations held by “normal” people? Idk this all feels so juvenile and stupid. For me, age 25-29 has been about becoming a more confident and secure person and I’ve found that I care so little abt what ppl think of me anymore. At 20 I would walk down the street caring SO much abt everyone’s opinion, wondering if the ppl I walked past on the street thought I was fat or ugly or if my shirt was bunching up in a weird way. Today I can honestly say that I could walk past a pack of whispering teen girls with my head held high and truly not care what they think or even assume that they’re talking abt me at all. So why am I feeling like this today? I should have told my parents that I wanted a low-key board game day and forced them to play mahjong lol.
no one in my immediately family has texted me happy birthday yet, which probably means they’re all running around frantically preparing for the party. I’m hoping they can relax at the actual party. FUCK I’m scared what is going on with me? All of my family and all of my friends are wonderful, lovely people who love me And there’s no reason to panic.
irrational fears aside, I’m proud of how far I’ve come and although I’m a broke savings-less teacher who would be priced out of my neighbourhood were it not for rent control, I’m pretty happy with my progress in life. 20 year old me would be amazed and impressed (although that’s a pretty low bar LMAO)
the Barbie movie was okay. It was satirical, very funny imo, bizarre, campy and philosophical at times (in its best moments it reminded me of But I’m A Cheerleader) but ultimately it was a hokey feel-good Barbie commercial with a very confused and contradictory feminist message. I wish that Mattel hadn’t produced it and Gerwig had gotten full creative control so that the movie could have leaned into its weirdness more. Admittedly I don’t have the nostalgic attachment to Barbie that other do and did not experience the girl-power camaraderie in the theatre that others seemed to (although I did wear pink). If the summer blockbuster had been some other millennial nostalgia bait (maybe Neopets or Powerpuff Girls) and not Barbie then I might be singing a different tune
It’s my 30th birthday today. There’s something embarrassing about having a birthday party at age 30 but my family really wanted this and tbh I’m kind of excited. I’m also fucking nervous bc i decided for some reason that putting my friends in the same general area as my family was a good idea. Most of my old friends are varying degrees of familiar w/ my family’s brand of crazy but I have some newer friends coming too and im feeling this childlike fear that I’ll be judged based on my family’s actions. Actually not even their actions bc I know they’ll be on their best behaviour, more like their….social quirks? Failing to meet social expectations held by “normal” people? Idk this all feels so juvenile and stupid. For me, age 25-29 has been about becoming a more confident and secure person and I’ve found that I care so little abt what ppl think of me anymore. At 20 I would walk down the street caring SO much abt everyone’s opinion, wondering if the ppl I walked past on the street thought I was fat or ugly or if my shirt was bunching up in a weird way. Today I can honestly say that I could walk past a pack of whispering teen girls with my head held high and truly not care what they think or even assume that they’re talking abt me at all. So why am I feeling like this today? I should have told my parents that I wanted a low-key board game day and forced them to play mahjong lol.
no one in my immediately family has texted me happy birthday yet, which probably means they’re all running around frantically preparing for the party. I’m hoping they can relax at the actual party. FUCK I’m scared what is going on with me? All of my family and all of my friends are wonderful, lovely people who love me And there’s no reason to panic.
irrational fears aside, I’m proud of how far I’ve come and although I’m a broke savings-less teacher who would be priced out of my neighbourhood were it not for rent control, I’m pretty happy with my progress in life. 20 year old me would be amazed and impressed (although that’s a pretty low bar LMAO)
the Barbie movie was okay. It was satirical, very funny imo, bizarre, campy and philosophical at times (in its best moments it reminded me of But I’m A Cheerleader) but ultimately it was a hokey feel-good Barbie commercial with a very confused and contradictory feminist message. I wish that Mattel hadn’t produced it and Gerwig had gotten full creative control so that the movie could have leaned into its weirdness more. Admittedly I don’t have the nostalgic attachment to Barbie that other do and did not experience the girl-power camaraderie in the theatre that others seemed to (although I did wear pink). If the summer blockbuster had been some other millennial nostalgia bait (maybe Neopets or Powerpuff Girls) and not Barbie then I might be singing a different tune
